Sentence that stuck with me: “I have deleted lines and put them back in, trying to decide how many teeth is an acceptable amount for her to show.” That’s a literary punch in the face right there, absolutely loved this read!
There’s so much overthinking that goes into being a people-pleaser.
Constantly wondering if you’re being too much or not enough, what’s the perfect amount of yourself (if you can even call you in that moment your true self) for one person to another. It’s emotionally exhausting.
Very much relate to this, especially the hedging what I say on Substack bit! I always feel the need to apologize or add caveats to things that should not require caveats because the fear of anyone being offended/not liking me is overwhelming.
Totally agree with this, especially the part about unlikeable characters. And for female characters there’s a narrow needle to thread: if they’re too forceful in pursuing their less altruistic desires they’re unlikeable; if they go too far in the other direction they’re passive or flat. It’s almost as if society has preconceived ideas about exactly what (female) people should want and how much…
I loved this piece and your honest thoughtful writing. And the part about sprinkling perhaps and somewhats (feeling so guilty there). On another note, I’m so curious how you got your book deal. Would you ever write a substack about that?
Thank you!! I’m so glad you enjoyed the piece!! I don’t actually have a book deal though, I’ve written a novel that I’m hoping to submit to agent’s soon so it’s all been done off my own back so far!! I am tempted to write on that though <3
Love the title, love your thoughts, thank you for sharing!!! 👏 I so relate to softening shit before sending it out. This was a lovely reminder to not be so goddamn passive 😂
I can be empathetic, and confident, it's not my job to make other people think skinned, and also be open to their perspective. <- me to me. 😄
This was a great read, thank you for sharing this. I think unlearning being a people pleaser is harder and ALMOST as exhausting as being one, though the breakthroughs do pay off in the end. The freedom felt from truly not letting other people's mundane thoughts affect you in the slightest is so gratifying. When you were writing about unlikeable female characters, aka, complex female characters, I instantly thought of Carrie Bradshaw. When SATC was in it's prime, Carrie was everything to me, and so many women. All of her decisions seemed sound, LOL, at least they did to me at the time, whereas now, as I've grown LOL, I scream at the T.V. watching her make those same decisions. She was terrible! It's quite hilarious, actually.
I'm positive that the bad decisions your female character makes will reach the right audience, and therefore she will be liked, or disliked maybe because it touches a spot for the reader in a different way. Go with your gut.
As someone who's last Substack was also talking about my fear that my female lead is unlikeable I related to this so hard (I worry more about my fictional character being liked than I do myself...there may be something in that, but I am going to ignore it)
As a raging people-pleaser, this post is very relatable. Whenever I'm writing a story, I worry the same things about my characters, especially if they have qualities that some might deem "annoying" for a female character to have. I love that you mention Emma, because a big part of what makes her such a brilliantly written character is in fact her "unlikeable" traits. Maybe we could all take a leaf from Jane Austen's book lol. I love the idea of the character you describe from your novel towards the end, she definitely sounds like a fascinating character!!
You write so beautifully, everything I’ve felt is written out it’s insane to finally read what I think but in such a way that makes so so much more sense. I felt like I was losing my mind with my thoughts but here you are making everything make sense!
This was a wonderful read. I'm learning to put myself before others now for my own mental health... we have to remember that sometimes people just aren't going to like you, and sometimes you're going to be the "bad guy" in someone's story. I definitely relate to adding the "somewhat" and "perhaps" words in my essays still though LOL
"I believe in trying to be kind. But that does not mean becoming a plank of wood for people to walk over." Grace, I absolutely love this line! It’s such a perfect reminder that we can be kind without losing ourselves 🧡
Sentence that stuck with me: “I have deleted lines and put them back in, trying to decide how many teeth is an acceptable amount for her to show.” That’s a literary punch in the face right there, absolutely loved this read!
There’s so much overthinking that goes into being a people-pleaser.
Constantly wondering if you’re being too much or not enough, what’s the perfect amount of yourself (if you can even call you in that moment your true self) for one person to another. It’s emotionally exhausting.
It is so exhuasting to question what is you and what is to please others!! I’m so glad you resonated with this❤️
Very much relate to this, especially the hedging what I say on Substack bit! I always feel the need to apologize or add caveats to things that should not require caveats because the fear of anyone being offended/not liking me is overwhelming.
Literally like pls brain let me own my words!
Exactly!!!!
Totally agree with this, especially the part about unlikeable characters. And for female characters there’s a narrow needle to thread: if they’re too forceful in pursuing their less altruistic desires they’re unlikeable; if they go too far in the other direction they’re passive or flat. It’s almost as if society has preconceived ideas about exactly what (female) people should want and how much…
Oooop and there it is…
I loved this piece and your honest thoughtful writing. And the part about sprinkling perhaps and somewhats (feeling so guilty there). On another note, I’m so curious how you got your book deal. Would you ever write a substack about that?
Thank you!! I’m so glad you enjoyed the piece!! I don’t actually have a book deal though, I’ve written a novel that I’m hoping to submit to agent’s soon so it’s all been done off my own back so far!! I am tempted to write on that though <3
Please do! I'm actually in the same boat. I have a novel but don't know where to go next. GL <3
Love the title, love your thoughts, thank you for sharing!!! 👏 I so relate to softening shit before sending it out. This was a lovely reminder to not be so goddamn passive 😂
I can be empathetic, and confident, it's not my job to make other people think skinned, and also be open to their perspective. <- me to me. 😄
that last bit is very important!!
This was a great read, thank you for sharing this. I think unlearning being a people pleaser is harder and ALMOST as exhausting as being one, though the breakthroughs do pay off in the end. The freedom felt from truly not letting other people's mundane thoughts affect you in the slightest is so gratifying. When you were writing about unlikeable female characters, aka, complex female characters, I instantly thought of Carrie Bradshaw. When SATC was in it's prime, Carrie was everything to me, and so many women. All of her decisions seemed sound, LOL, at least they did to me at the time, whereas now, as I've grown LOL, I scream at the T.V. watching her make those same decisions. She was terrible! It's quite hilarious, actually.
I'm positive that the bad decisions your female character makes will reach the right audience, and therefore she will be liked, or disliked maybe because it touches a spot for the reader in a different way. Go with your gut.
I still need to watch SATC but the discourse i see about Carrie feels so similar to every 2000 female lead!!
As someone who's last Substack was also talking about my fear that my female lead is unlikeable I related to this so hard (I worry more about my fictional character being liked than I do myself...there may be something in that, but I am going to ignore it)
Dont like why am i so terrified for this non existent woman (and what does that say about me)…
They’re parts of us and so a judgment on them feels like a judgement on us
As a raging people-pleaser, this post is very relatable. Whenever I'm writing a story, I worry the same things about my characters, especially if they have qualities that some might deem "annoying" for a female character to have. I love that you mention Emma, because a big part of what makes her such a brilliantly written character is in fact her "unlikeable" traits. Maybe we could all take a leaf from Jane Austen's book lol. I love the idea of the character you describe from your novel towards the end, she definitely sounds like a fascinating character!!
Thank you so much!!
Super interesting post, I feel seen and probably would feel the same way if I had to write a novel featuring a complex character...
❤️💕
I feel this soooo much! It is absolutely exhausting. How do we stop 😩
Girl dont ask me!!!☠️😂
😂
Can absolutely relate! I even get writer imposter syndrome :”)
Oh dont we all!!!!
You write so beautifully, everything I’ve felt is written out it’s insane to finally read what I think but in such a way that makes so so much more sense. I felt like I was losing my mind with my thoughts but here you are making everything make sense!
This is the most lovely comment!! Thank you❤️
This was a wonderful read. I'm learning to put myself before others now for my own mental health... we have to remember that sometimes people just aren't going to like you, and sometimes you're going to be the "bad guy" in someone's story. I definitely relate to adding the "somewhat" and "perhaps" words in my essays still though LOL
"I believe in trying to be kind. But that does not mean becoming a plank of wood for people to walk over." Grace, I absolutely love this line! It’s such a perfect reminder that we can be kind without losing ourselves 🧡