That's what girls think about all the time
Paul Mescal and 'that' top
“Isn’t the silence so funny?” I said to my partner, after showing them the viral Saoirse Ronan clip. “I mean the way their faces change? Comedy gold.”
And look, it is. The video is objectively funny. And it’s opened up a great conversation… Maybe?
On the whole, I try not to be a cynical person. Not always easy, but I try. That being said, I really don’t see this moment as being anything more than a quick moment that made women smile because our experiences were plonked down in the middle of a talk show, and for one glorious second, we all got to revel in the discomfort. Before show biz continued, and it was swept under the rug.
Perhaps it’s the fact that I don’t believe this moment “That’s what girls have to think about all the time” will actually go on to change much that I’ve found my brain filled up with something else. And that, is the internet’s reaction to the fact that smack, bang in the middle of it all, is their Paul Mescal.
Usual clarification here: I don’t know Paul Mescal. (Presuming most people offering an opinion on this don’t either). I thought he and Daisy Edgar-Jones were brilliant in Normal People; I respect his campaigning for men to wear shorter shorts; it’s all good stuff.
If I were to sum up why I think Paul Mescal became ‘an internet boyfriend’ or ‘white boy of the month’, I’d probably say it’s because he picks sensitive roles, but the actual man has an element of edge to him. Paul Mescal is different to a Timothée Chalamet, and I think that edge is the Irishness. He seems like you could meet him in a pub, and people see that as a ‘rougher edge’ on top of the sensitive characters we watch him act out. And in a very clean cut celebrity culture, seeming like they’d down a pint is I believe the edge people are looking for. Simplistic… Maybe?
Anyway, while we all watched Paul Mescal’s career flash before his eyes for one moment on that Graham Norton couch, there seemed to be a particular narrative that I watched some people relish in.
The audacity for him to be making this joke in that top.
The top in question appears to be a long sleeve, sheer-ish black top/cardigan with clasps down the centre. I can imagine it being purchased from Brandy Melville. Which is to say, it is not a traditionally masculine item of clothing. In contrast to Eddie Redmayne’s shirt/jacket and Denzel Washington’s top/jacket.
But the thing that I think is interesting about this, is that what has this top got to do with anything that Saoirse Ronan is trying to discuss?
Again, I don’t know Paul Mescal, but I wasn’t shocked that he was comfortable making a joke about self-defence, unaware that thinking about what on your being can be used as a weapon is an everyday experience for women. Keys between our fingers. Call a friend. Phone to the throat (I didn’t actually know that one, so thanks Eddie Redmayne.).
If I think about a lot of the men I know — would they know these details either? They might be aware that women can be afraid to walk down certain roads at night. They might even be the ones worried about the idea of us doing it. But would they necessarily know the details of what we look to for our protection?
We still have so far to go with women’s experience in our current society. Women in Gaza & Palestine are suffering every day1. And in the US, we’re potentially about to watch legally defined sexual predator Donald Trump be voted in for a second term.2 Perhaps I am more of a cynic than I thought, but it doesn’t surprise me that so many of our intimate experiences as women aren’t known.
And look, I appreciate the empathy from a man, but what I’d really rather is that I didn’t have to think ‘oh good tip’ when I learn a new way to defend myself. But that’s me blue sky dreaming.
Anyway, back to this top. The attack on Paul Mescal’s less traditionally masculine item of clothing feels dangerous in itself. I appreciate that some people are saying that it’s ironic that wearing a more feminine, he still failed to think of the woman’s experience. But is it?
Breaking down our current gender norms through clothes is a very different kettle of fish to violence against women. And both are important things in their own ways.
To see someone like Paul Mescal, who presents as very traditionally masculine in some ways (he is our new Gladiator!!) dressed in a shirt that seems to defy this, is good! If we want to break down our gender performance and rigidity of it, then this is part of that. But I’m not sure if we always do want this or at least we’ll hold it over them: a warning that if they fail us then we’ll mock them for the same attempts of self-expression that we once celebrated.
We currently have a generation of male celebrities, heterosexual presenting ones, who are much more comfortable flexing the gender presentation of their clothes. And this is good. Is it a PR move or self-expression. I don’t know, but I feel we don’t want to lose it. What do we gain from losing it?
It feels like when a presumed ’soft’ man on the internet makes a mistake, we are quick to spurn him. We demanded better of you!! kind of vibe. But where does that leave us? Would you bully your friend for making such a mistake? I suppose I’m now thinking of Antisocial Goods by
.Saoirse Ronan herself has said she’s glad to open up conversation, but she’s begged that people watch the clip in context. We are still pushing for men to understand the full female-experience. They’re learning. I want them to want to learn.3
It was unfortunate for Paul Mescal that his blunder was so very public, and that on the internet we feel we can react differently.
Good for Saoirse Ronan. It was a great moment. I just hope we focus on the right part of it.
PS. Apparently ‘likes; boost the algorithm here, so if you did enjoy and want to give this post a little love, then I’m very grateful! As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments — your response to Saorise Ronan’s moment & what you think about the response to Paul Mescal!